I recently read a LinkedIn comment that got me thinking about expectations. How we all have them and quite often hold others accountable for not doing something that is based on our personal expectation for appropriate behaviour.
When I “lost” my job recently lots of lovely people reached out and expressed their outrage, dismay and sadness, wishing me all the best and offering support. It was nice and made me feel good, valued, that I’d be missed.
A person I’ve worked with (have a friendship with) for the last 18 years didn’t send any messages until December 27. The message said they hoped I’d had a good Christmas. I haven’t yet responded.
Expectations…my expectation for appropriate behaviour would have been a message saying something like they missed me and were sad that I was going through such an experience, then perhaps a line or two wishing me all the best in 2018.
Am I wrong? Am I judging this person based purely on my wants? Or…is this how they are reaching out, opening the door to a conversation 30 days later? I’ve lectured friends on how they hold people accountable to unspoken expectations, and now I have to look in the mirror.
I will respond to the message, I’ll wish this person all the best in 2018 and tell them I had a great Christmas. Who am I to instruct them on what is appropriate? I’ve had 6 days with this in the back of my head…what a waste of time.
My advice? Congratulate someone on a work anniversary, wish them good luck in a new job, buy someone a coffee, take them to the airport…let what you do be a reflection of yourself, not of someones response.
Wishing all of you, all the best in 2018.
mydaisydaze 
I think people are very different when it comes to things like this, some people feel very awkward and are so afraid to write the wrong thing that it takes them forever to write something. I hope it all works out 😊
LikeLiked by 2 people
I agree, it took me several days of reflection to acknowledge that this person is like that. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror to realize its not all about you, or rather it is all about you, and how you chose to live. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is definitely something I struggle with. It gives me too much stress and too many other negative emotions, that I continuously strive to acknowledge that people act differently for different reasons.
Yes, I am on the same side as you. I’d think it was VERY strange to have known someone for so long and not have such a change acknowledged. Do they know you lost your job? To this day I feel bad for not reaching out to a co-worker of mine, who was laid off a couple of months ago. I wanted to. But I found out through someone else. He doesn’t know I know, so I don’t know if it would be ok for me to reach out. If that wouldn’t remind him more of the sting?! If that wouldn’t ruin their relationship with the person who told me…
It’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing that not everyone is as perfect as us 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your responses, they are so heartfelt and then humorous. If I may….yes, reach out to that person who was laid off, you don’t need to say anything specific, maybe something along the lines of “thinking of you and hoping that 2018 brings you nothing but good things” It would be logical that several people know he was laid off, it wouldn’t necessarily point to the person who told you. Good luck and let me know how it goes. I’ve enjoyed talking to you about this scenario. FYI, I did reply to the person, wishing them all the best in 2018 and confirming I had a lovely Christmas…I haven’t heard back, and that’s okay.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, thank you. So nice of you to say that.
And thank you for your suggestion. I was itching to do it and you just gave me the final push.
Hmm… maybe the text you got was a mass text? You know, they just composed a single message and blasted it to everyone in their contact list?
LikeLike
Maybe…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Did you talk to your friend?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes! It was really nice to re-connect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’ll feel better if you respond. As I get older, and older I truly am (hehe) I realize how my expectations for others serves mainly as a weight for me. I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult season, hang on the sun will shine again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Brenda I did send a message back and it felt good and right. Overall the season was lovely, just a couple of hiccups every so often. Such is life.
LikeLiked by 1 person