I recently read a LinkedIn comment that got me thinking about expectations. How we all have them and quite often hold others accountable for not doing something that is based on our personal expectation for appropriate behaviour.
When I “lost” my job recently lots of lovely people reached out and expressed their outrage, dismay and sadness, wishing me all the best and offering support. It was nice and made me feel good, valued, that I’d be missed.
A person I’ve worked with (have a friendship with) for the last 18 years didn’t send any messages until December 27. The message said they hoped I’d had a good Christmas. I haven’t yet responded.
Expectations…my expectation for appropriate behaviour would have been a message saying something like they missed me and were sad that I was going through such an experience, then perhaps a line or two wishing me all the best in 2018.
Am I wrong? Am I judging this person based purely on my wants? Or…is this how they are reaching out, opening the door to a conversation 30 days later? I’ve lectured friends on how they hold people accountable to unspoken expectations, and now I have to look in the mirror.
I will respond to the message, I’ll wish this person all the best in 2018 and tell them I had a great Christmas. Who am I to instruct them on what is appropriate? I’ve had 6 days with this in the back of my head…what a waste of time.
My advice? Congratulate someone on a work anniversary, wish them good luck in a new job, buy someone a coffee, take them to the airport…let what you do be a reflection of yourself, not of someones response.
Wishing all of you, all the best in 2018.